I recently learned that Shaak Ti/General Grievous was once a Thing which is confounding on multiple levels, but I also sort of love it? Not as a ship, but as the sort of batshit insane rumour that would get started during the war and get way out of hand.
Like, between the clones and the jedi, you’ve got prime potential for gossip city and “General Grievous absolutely has a crush on Actual Living Goddess Shaak Ti, he gave her flowers and severed head once.” is totally the sort of stupid story clones would make up.
(The joke being that he is practically a droid and mostly metal. That’s the sort of thing a sixteen year old in combat is going to find hilarious.)
(And of course in addition to sixteen year old clones you also have sixteen year old padawans who also find the mental image of perennially chill ‘everyone sort of has a crush on her, but like, in a hands off way’ Master Shaak Ti seducing General Grievous with her limb slicing abilities to be hilarious.)
It’s a lot easier to laugh off the feared Jedi Killer when you’re pretending he is head over heels for everyone’s spiritual elementary school teacher. Eventually it goes from drunk story, to inside joke, to actual legitimate rumour and now all the younglings are sleeping better at night because Shaak Ti will beat General Grievous up, she’s done it before, like, ten times, that’s why he’s obsessed with her.
(Shaak Ti is gently bemused because she’s only met Grievous two or three times and there was a lot of attempted murder, but if it makes the kids happy, she’ll play along and smile mysteriously when asked about the subject.)
Eventually it hits the standard galactic gossip mill along with such gems as “Anakin Skywalker and Senator Amidala are secretly married and have three love children.”, “Mace Windu is really four younglings in a cloak.”, and “Obi Wan Kenobi was invented by the Chancellor to serve as the face of the war effort, he’s actually an actor from Alderaan.” and in time reaches the ears of the Separatists who are confused as hell.
Except Count Dooku, who recognizes this as Jedi business as usual and goes to slam his head into a wall. This is why he left the Order.
Twilek headtails are basically fat storage, right? Orn Free Taa’s are engorged and he seems to have grown another two. They’re on a planet with regular food scarcity, so it would make sense too. Imagine how much they could do with that.
Twi’leks who can tell when others are regularly hungry based on the size and consistency of their lekku. Slaves and other vulnerable Twi’leks being easily identifiable, by the way they move. Their lekku movements grow sluggish, the tone changes.
For people with the observational skills and knowledge it’s easy, but Padme and Orn Free Taa once had to collaborate on a space Power Point on a famine that involved carefully pointing out every lekku marker of malnourishment in holos of settler children so the Senate would understand it.
Extra lekku being a status symbol because it means that you have literally so much wealth your body has to stretch to hold it all. Cham Syndulla brings back the lean and mean look with his nationalist fervour, and then it’s a bit stylish to have solid well built up lekku, all healthy fat, regularly fed but not overdone.
Slim lekku coming into ‘fashion’ on other worlds, even though it’s not always as healthy, and everything that would bring.
Babies with their tiny lekku being fed extra well to make sure they’ll grow up with nice long ones. Grandmothers swear they can tell who grew up in a rich family and who didn’t even when they’re adults, just based off their lekku.
Young Hera who only eats every few days and then in binges, because even if it isn’t entirely healthy for her it works a lot better for her than for a human. Then Kanan comes on board and he has to eat every single day, basically. (he protests, but she knows how humans work) and she finds it’s better for her as well, that her lekku fill in and grow stronger.
Aayla Secura giving up rations in a siege situation, because she can handle it a lot better than her men, and her lekku get limp and droopy. All the clones fuss once they’re in safety to make sure she eats enough to get her health back.
The forested planet of the Wookiees, where the giant creatures lived in homes built into the gnarled wroshyr tree trunks and defended their land with weapons carved of wroshyr wood. Unfortunately, after the Clone Wars, the Wookiee race on Kashyyyk was enslaved by the Empire, forced to supply their oppressors with weaponry carved from their own ancestral trees. In a time of revolt, the Empire massacred much of the wookiee population.
After the defeat of the Empire, the New Republic was hardly better, refusing to send aid or supplies to the desperate planet – so its greatest living war hero, Chewbacca, and his human compatriot Han Solo (who personally freed Chewie from his enslavement years earlier) took it upon themselves.
May the 4th be with you! Or in other words, HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!!!
Tried to get in as many of my Jedi/Light Side Force sensitive favs as I could. From top to bottom: (Prequels/Clone Wars) Yoda, Mace Windu, Kit Fisto, Plo Koon, Adi Gallia, Depa Billaba, Luminara Unduli, Barriss Offee, Quinlan Vos, Aayla Secura, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, (Rebels) Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, (Original Trilogy) Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, (TFA) Finn, and Rey.
Also, condensed version I made for Twitter:
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I was going to be like “an AU where all Leia writes all her official dispatched he exact same way that Carrie Fisher tweets,” except I think we all know in our heart of hearts that this is in fact canon, and the first thing you learn in the Resistance is a basic fluency in emoji
One time the First Order manages to intercept a few official communiques and they’re all like “wtf is this code” while Kylo Ren is standing to the side just dying inside because MOM GOD THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING
darth vader would never write like this
THIS IS THE MOST VITALLY IMPORTANT THING I HAVE BEHELD OH MY GOD
Thinking back Padme Amidala went so damn hard every day with her fashion like…she didn’t have to scalp the entire galaxy like that?!?! Every time she walked into a room, SHE MADE DAMN SURE her ass was the best dressed!!! *Steps out into the backwoods desert of Tatooine where they’re literally wearing potato sacks* Serves nothing but high fashion. Simple picnic with her young Splenda Daddy™? TRULY DOING THE MOST SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO GO THAT HARD. Want to enjoy some space fruit salad with bae? SERVE SOME GALACTIC CYBER PUNK DOMINATRIX REALNESS ON THEM!!!! On a mission to save Obi Wan? SLAYING FOR THE GODS IN ALL WHITE CASHMERE AND SUEDE BOOTS LIKE?!?!
God she couldn’t even go to sleep without being extra™ she had to wear that Galactic Marchesa Blue Silk Gown embellished with Swarovski crystals and pearls just to prove a point I fucking love Padme….
A Middleground 